| the empty girl |
[19 Apr 2004|02:57pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
pretty girls make graves- sad girls porta vida |
] |
Her suicidal smile..
Melted with the stark white of the room..
The words that came from his mouth..
were marked with razorblades..
and he kissed her..
leaving her to spit her heart on the floor..
He smiled at the sight of the innocence
laying broken in pieces on the tainted wooden floor,
As the dark crept to her side..
she cursed every lying star from the sky..
for she gave everything.. and giving up everything was nothing but a reminder that the everything she gave was consequently a nothing,
she takes in the emptiness..
waiting for the last collapse..
The mirror never lies to her
She scorned her bleeding tongue
because love is like a razorblade
it cuts you and your left to bleed..
and so to suit her dying smile
she smothers him with hate..
the Hurt she left in a suicide note,
Matched her smile just great..
|
|
| today |
[17 Apr 2004|10:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cynical |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
blink 182- all of this |
] |
Hmm today i didnt do much of anything
slept jammed to yeah yeah yeahs
ate.. alept somemore..
talked to ben and ian
:-)
speaking of ian..
hes really purrty
check this pic
Look at his eyelashes and his smile
awwwww..
dude
I just wanna hug him real bad..
Guys I like him and I don't even really know him!
he rocks because last night when we were talking till 3am
a little later possibly
we BOTH made CHICKEN RAMEN NOODLES AND DRANK BRISK RASPBERRY ICED TEA!
it was fucking crazy..
Oh yeah Talked to matt and the kawk today
They made me giggle...
last night there was a party but it was busted
and yeah.. i came home and matt was real drunk
and said he was a zebra who at zebras and cows..
and that he jumped in a lake and lost his undies
and he wouldnt talk so i was like
MATT I LOVE YOU COME BACK
AND he goes O I love you too
and the kawk goes
tell me im tuff tell me im tuff
and i was like your tuff?
and he goes.. IM FUCKIN TUFF
And that ended my night
I want to hang out with ian really bad :-)
so I can hug him :-)
|
|
| Im giddy like a school girl |
[17 Apr 2004|02:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 geeky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
At The Drive in- Non zero possibility |
] |
Soo.. Tonight seemed like a complete waste
busted party .. No drinking for me,
And then I got on my space.. and was searching random people within 20 miles of me..
and found basically nobody physically attractive.. and worthy.. Until..
I see ian.. Im like awwwww he is the cutest thing I think I have ever seen in my entire life..
and he is the picture with snow in his hair
oh my god.. I couldn't have a bigger crush..
wow.. A crush.. On someone I dont know:-)
ian this is for you :-)
<3<3
|
|
| blah |
[15 Apr 2004|11:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
angry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
pretty girls make graves- all medicated geniuses |
] |
so today i went shopping with megan britney and Nathan..
and me and megan dyed britneys hair it turned out crazy as fuck..
Istole nathans scarf thing for the day tomorrow..
Its jawsome..
I Think I like Nathan.. And hmm..
I think I do.. Megan slap the shit out of me please..
:-\ Bah.. Hes got a girlfriend anyways so bah haha
anyways.. Tomorrow Im supposed to go partying with rae rae and adam.. and jess.. we will see what happens..
I really want to see zach before he goes to the navy..
I really like 3 ppl at the moment..
and I think like 2 of them like me back..
ahh shit.. I was trying to join this community I knew I wouldnt get into. Its actually in the slightest a bit interesting..
i have a shrink appt 9 am- 12 ill call when i get home megan..
|
|
| Good Fucking Morning |
[15 Apr 2004|06:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
pretty girls make graves- sad girls |
] |
Haha as i predicted.. someone would comment on why I put my entry form where I put it..
and I explained to him..
that I was a fucking idiot and I have no idea how to do anything..
heh anyways.. Im going to ask him if he will be my friend..
and hopefully he will say yes..
Because he was atleast nice about me putting my pictures on the same page as his pretty ones :-)
bah.. I have school in like 35 minutes..
half day tomorrow possibly..
thinking about afterschool today..
hmm..
everythings a blur..
got plans?
call me.. 829-5950
because i have none..
|
|
| community joining and cramps.. |
[15 Apr 2004|12:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
At The Drive In- Non zero possibility |
] |
So earlier..
I got cramps.. and megan brought me home..and
Turns out I start my damn rag cycle..
bah..
so anyways I had no idea how to join the
cutexcore community
But I tried..
so hopefully too many people dont bitch at me..
Because i have no idea what i was doing ..
i like put my entry form on someone elses
comment thing..
a very beautiful guys..
so.. maybe ill get lucky. and get bitched out at the same time..
Tried to do a my space thing..
after i added ben at megans.. he imed me and asked if it was me and i laughed and said yes..
bah.. I talked to nathan :-) hes really nice :-)
Yes megan Im talking about your lil brother :-\
ahh men.. they suck..
If they could all transform into nice people.. Like nathan..
Megan and I are starting the " bang club"
we are tired of men.. who only use us to jump our bones and then forget about us..
so in return we will become what they are..
and break some hearts in the process ;-)
Nah , I dont think honestly we could pull it off megan..
We are too un hoochie un slutified for that shiat..
:-)
I LOVE YOU MEGAN!
YES I WILL HAVE ANAL BUTT SEX WITH YOU..
:-)
|
|
| A poem i wrote " Simple synthesis" |
[14 Apr 2004|11:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
rock kills kid- still standing |
] |
I have began to hate the light
the way it fades from wretched blues into light grays
Its like it makes me grab this razor blade
and cut away the pain..
I bleed to break and I break to bleed..
Never forgetting how hard it rained ..
washing away the emptiness and smudges of mascara on my face
You said love is a heartache.. and it is
Its the heartache from a suicide note..
The one I never gave to you..
The voice Im afraid to use.. echoes in my head
begging me to forget.. that im to afraid to be dead..
Im afraid to die.. while im lying in your arms..
afraid you will cut me again..
and scorn the scars on my arms..
Im afraid to be blue..
and stay close to you
because tomorrow the stars could burn out
leaving me to drown in these tears..
leaving me to count all these beautiful misleadings
Your endavors have taken there toll..
They have hit their mark..
I cant see anymore.. i cant bleed for you anymore..
Just tell me how to paint a better picture and i will paint it for you..
ill cut out the red scribbled heart that i gave to you, because it wasnt enough for you
so i begged you to see..
But this symbolisim is killing me..
and im tired of using the symbolism you'll never get
and im tired of bleeding and crying and screaming
so tired that you dont hear..
Im so tired of being here..
With the autumn I will fade
Just like the leaves which mourn the grey..
Suicide is the only simple synthesis between the life i live to hate..
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
murderxhandgun's journal
accomplished
nauseated
apathetic
